We all have that one fear. That thing that causes us to shrink, to separate, to disguise, to lash out, to rebel, to become a version of ourselves God never intended for us to be. We carry that fear as an identity failing to realize, though dormant, how much of our identity is taken up in that fear. What happens when God serves you a platter full of your greatest fear? What happens when you are unaware that it is Him that is serving it to you? What would be the reason that such a loving God would torment you in this way?
Imagine a woman in love. She will give her last and her first. She is selfless and wears her heart on her sleeve. She becomes childlike again, romanticizing about what could be and what will be. She dreams of the family that will be built from this love. She manifests, and her desires out of love, come to life. She envisions the empire and the abundance that will come solely from choosing this person for the rest of her life. She is all in. Devoted. Unwavering. Courageous. Fearlessly in Love. Imagine the soul she gave her soul to, betrays her trust after years of commitment. She becomes hostile, unforgiving, fear-filled, her exterior becomes rough and defensive. She is no longer open to receiving love and believes everyone is out to take something from her. She sees this protection as strength and to love again freely as weakness. She is less of her original form due to external factors. Is she strong or is she weak?
There are certain fears that can only be overcome through the Spirit. There are certain fears that can only be dismantled by the Spirit. There are certain fears that can only be faced in the Spirit. What if He wants to bring you face to face with your greatest fear through some situation or someone He brought to you? Why would a loving God torment His beloved as such? Why allow someone whose heart is so pure be tainted by a fear so dismantling when your greatest desire is simply to be all He has called you to be?
There is a strength that lies beyond fear. There is a new life that lies beyond fear. We must remember that any fear that stands in our way only blocks us from reaching revival. What is revival? Revival means to return to a state of consciousness. Consciousness before we let the fear steal the identity God has placed on us. He says you are a warrior. He says you are an overcomer. He says you possess strength and perseverance but fear shifts our focus to the identity we’ve taken on from external factors.
Anytime God brings you to a place where your greatest fear is looking you in the eyes, realize He sees something in you that you have yet to see. He sees an overcomer. He sees strength. He sees perseverance. He wouldn’t bring you face to face with something that would overtake you. This is why He serves us a platter of fear. Not to overcome us, but to help us realize that we are beyond our deepest fears and that with Him, we can dismantle that fear. With Him, we get to see ourselves on the other side of that fear.
Abandonment. My greatest fear is that I will give my all and realize the person or thing I gave my all to chose to leave me. I gave my best and it was trampled on and not appreciated. If someone chooses to leave me then I must not be good enough. Who am I if I am left? What does that mean of my worth? All scary questions.
God brought me to a place where I had given Him my very last. My soul was His to will and decide the course of my life, but I had no idea I still had deep rooted trauma from being abandoned in the past. In the exact place where God brought me, I felt the deepest sense of abandonment by Him. Why on earth would He treat His child this way? Why would He trample on my poor heart only to have me question every life choice to serve Him up until this point?
Who would do such a cruel thing to a yielded heart?
He would. He would make me face my fear so I could realize what relentlessness in the face of abandonment would blossom. In the past, I was the first to cut someone off if they wronged me. I would leave before they could leave. I was never the one to be left or not chosen. I was constantly on the defense. I never even gave space for rejection, because, well who was I on the other side of that rejection? If anyone crossed me, they were dead to me. How dare anyone think they could leave me feeling alone or abandoned; a defense mechanism that stemmed from childhood insecurities. You see, my dad left, and no one was ever going to inflict that kind of pain on me again. No one. Look at the wall that was built. It reached the sky and beyond. That kind of wall doesn’t truly get to know people. That kind of wall only allows for people to see what the wall wants them to see. That kind of wall doesn’t have a heart for people.
If I could dismiss people from my life like that, what makes me think I couldn’t do the same to a God who didn’t arrive on time? What if He didn’t show up like I expected? What if He didn’t respond to me in the way that I wanted Him to respond? What if He was silent when I needed Him to speak? What if He had me out here looking crazy for His kingdom? What if I felt like He was far from me? What if I felt like He didn’t care or I wasn’t a priority?
Would I allow the fear of rejection and abandonment add another brick to that wall and take steps away from Him or would I choose to be courageous and relentless in my pursuit of Him and take a brick off instead and step toward Him? I believe He brings our fears to our front door so we can see who He says we are not who the fear says we are. I want to be relentless even when I FEEL rejected or abandoned by God. I want to be relentless when His plans don’t match my expectation or when He takes longer to come through than I anticipated. He revealed to me through my fear that I was stronger than I knew and I only realized that because He spoke that there is freedom on the other side of my fear.
Just when I thought He was unfair for bringing misery upon His dear child, He showed me how strong I am when I face my fear. What’s wild is He knew I would overcome even when I called Him unfair, even when I told Him I felt betrayed, He knew I would step toward Him and overcome when I didn’t know that I could. This is the beauty of allowing God to redefine us. We are so much more in His eyes than we could ever imagine.
If I can feel rejected by God and come back from it stronger than before, rejection from people will be a breeze. This doesn’t mean it won’t hurt, it just means I have the strength through the Spirit to withstand any kind of rejection because He calls me strong and says that I can overcome.
He already knew it, He just needed me to see it and that’s why He served me my greatest fear.
Judges chapter 6–7