Resolve, then become Resolute.

A perspective shift on New Year’s Resolutions.

Reflect on what was “there”, so you have room to accept the new.

It’s the beginning of the year, and if you’re like me you are ready for the fresh breath of air that a new year brings. For the first time in my life, I broke down the word resolution. The dictionary states that resolution means a firm decision to do or not to do something. I figured that’s pretty straight forward; to do or not to do, that is the question.

I find that resolutions can be mundane. Every year we get a new chance to make decisions for what we want to bring with us into the new year but forget that the fairy godmother doesn’t come down and vanish all your old problems into thin air without a remembrance of the consequences and realities of our choices. So I kept repeating the word.

Resolution.

Resolution.

Resolution.

Resolution.

Resoluuuu.

Resol

Resolve.

And because I love understanding the true meaning of words, you guessed it, I looked it up.

This is what I found. Resolve: settle or find a solution to (a problem, dispute, or contentious matter).And just like you, I then had to look up the word contentious. I typed this into google a few times before getting the correct spelling because well, why so many letters?

Contentious: causing or likely to cause an argument; controversial; “a contentious issue”.

Conflict is what I chalked it up to. I ask myself, in the midst of setting new resolutions for myself, have I taken the time to reflect on what I am setting those goals for? Why? Did I resolve the issues of last year or will they run into this year? You see, before we as people can resolve conflict to find resolution, we have to understand why it is “here” or was “there” in the first place.

Resolute: admirably purposeful, determined, and unwavering.

Reflect: think deeply or carefully about.

Uh-oh, a swear word. I didn’t mean to say it but we have to…….think.

What does thinking involve? For some it involves silence, for others it involves a beach, a notebook and a pen, for many it could be a laptop in a coffee shop but the common denominator is silence. Silence of the mind and our racing thoughts. When was the last time you sat for 30–40 minutes in uninterrupted silence and thought about what you thought about?

Our culture is forever pressed for time, chasing accomplishments, and never really feeling fulfilled because we don’t stop to think. When we realize that our mind dictates our destiny, the importance of even scheduling “thinking” time each day will sky rocket. Most of the new year’s resolutions probably won’t even be on your list because they’ll end up leading you to working on something for someone else, chasing a societal norm, and ultimately leaving you with the same problems you thought you left in last year.

The conflict doesn’t disappear. When I say conflict, I am not talking about conflict with others. I mean the internal conflict. The voices in your head. The trauma and past demons that still haunt you. The addiction. The abandonment. The insecurities. The need for validation. The lack of self love. The emptiness we keep trying to fill with people, places, and things that give us momentary happiness, but not true joy. The conflict doesn’t disappear.

I then wanted to take it a step further. For every unresolved conflict, I deleted a resolution on my list. Consuming our minds with the new without addressing the old keeps us in the same chains, maybe the chains look new because they’ve been painted a pretty color.

Perhaps.

Focusing on a new resolution when we haven’t taken the time to address why we couldn’t keep any old ones, because the real reason roots in lack of self trust, will keep us in the same habit loop.

Don’t get me wrong. I love our internal desire to become better, but what if better isn’t adding a new resolution? What if better is resolving the conflict of the past? What if when the internal conflict has been resolved, the chains break and you’re giving a renewal shift of energy so that you can stick to what you want to achieve? What if a New Year’s resolution actually means taking a step back to reflect on last year so you can move forward in this year. What if we practiced backward thinking so that we could move forward around the New Year?

Forward.

Move forward.

We trick ourselves into thinking the new will suffice. The new will bury the old. The new will make us feel more accomplished, more important. But accessing the old is what brings the new and maintains the new. Why haven’t we been able to still do the things we promised ourselves in November of the same year that we started doing in January? It doesn’t stick. There is still unresolved internal conflict and it’s like breaking your leg, putting on a thousand band-aids, and trying to still win first place in a race. It won’t happen.

Now onto the positives.

I believe for you that you can achieve what your heart’s desires are. We have something, someone, living on the inside of us that is waiting to be accessed. Through Him all things are possible, even healing your inner conflict. You aren’t alone in looking back. Reflect on what was “there”, so you have room to accept the new. Our efforts are in vain trying to fill a cup that has a hole at the bottom. Why are we always left feeling empty? Why is it never enough? Why won’t our cup fill up?

Fill up.

Fill.

Unfulfilled.

Patch the holes of the old. Go deep and look inside. Take the steps to resolve the internal conflict so you have energy to access the new. I pray for anyone reading this that you will have the courage to tap into what was so you can access what is waiting for you. If you’ve read this far, that was no accident. You were meant to read this, just as I was meant to write this. Ironically, I am writing to me. You just happen to be reading it.