Feeling Lost in A World That Offers A Billion Founds.
That title resonated with me today. I woke up feeling heavy. The kind of heavy that leaves you wanting to be unbothered, unseen, and unfulfilled. I don’t feel like this often, but when I do it always seems to be a place of depth as deep and as wide as the ocean. I feel it, and there’s no getting around it. I’ve learned the best I can do is just be.
What do I mean by just be? Just be the person you are today. Just be the one who had a messy past. Just be the one that suffers from abandonment issues. Just be the one who overcompensates for lack of self worth. Just be the one who doesn’t brush her teeth until noon. Just be the one who eats ice cream for breakfast. Just be the one who loves to write her thoughts on paper. Just be the one who could live on an island by herself and need nothing but sand, warmth, water, and light. Just be the one who allows anxiety to creep in and try to steal her destiny. Just be the one who loves to eat at restaurants alone while reminiscing on the highs and lows of life. Just be the one who doesn’t care about social media or likes and comments. Just be the one who wishes money didn’t exist. Just be the one who would walk up to a homeless person and talk to them about how they got here if it wasn’t socially unacceptable.
Just be Deanna.
The best thing I can do when I feel heavy is just be me. Not the me who should have been healed by childhood trauma by now. Not the me who has expectations and pressures she wakes up to every day because she allows the outside world to dictate her path in unhappiness. Not the me who always feels the need to do and be more. Just me. The me that I am right now. The me that drowned in pain and trauma. The same me that has made $32,458 dollars in one month on her own with no help. The same me that secretly wants to be alone around 85% of the day (I thrive in solitude, but I wasn’t meant for solitude).
Our world offers a billion ways to “fit in”, to “be found”.
What does “fit in” even mean?
We have this undying need to feel appreciated, noticed, belong to, associated with, etc, that I feel it inhibits us from delivering our own God given talents and gifts. We are so busy trying to be like the masses we forget our world NEEDS our specific magic. Tap into the weirdness of you. It is specific. Our Creator, the most high created you down to where your fingerprint has no other match to anyone in the world. If He made your thumbprint different from everyone else’s in the world, have faith enough to believe that you are here for good reason. You don’t need to place the ideology around “lost and found” as a roadmap to live your life. You don’t have to feel lost and need to be FOUND in anything the world offers you. What’s “popular” needs to die so that what is “specific” can be highlighted. You are specific. Your design is specific.
So while you feel lost, know that you are FOUND by God. Release the pressures of needing to look or be like anything but the person you are because He made you and He FOUND you.
Much Love in your Foundness,
Deanna Lorea
